Winter nonsense

It's finally getting cold, and the hopes of an unusually warm December have been undoubtedly crushed. The trees are all bare and the air is all crisp and the likes. Damn you winter! Making me want to eat dinner by 5 in the afternoon. The fireplace is nice though, classic cup of hot chocolate.... Still I find myself as I enjoy this, daydreaming of sand and messed up hair due to salty water. and playa food. In my case it's canned tuna. With pasta, on sandwiches, as a salad, on crackers.... It possesses a taste that transports me back to great younger years (and I now realize that, obviously, no money.) Nonetheless, the winter has some things worth appreciating in spite of the bitter cold and gloomy darkness. The snow is oh so pretty if somewhat inconvenient and the clothes! Anyone can look dressed up in winter, just throw on a hat, a scarf, a coat, and you're set! During these cold months people look like they mean business. All bustly and fast walky, different than the summer months when the attitude seems to be slower and not so brisk. Apparently the rise in all the seriousness of life is directly correlated to the drop in the temperature. Which by the way is in Fahrenheit over here, but that's a whole other topic for a whole other day. I will just say this: WHY? What the fuck is an inch? Miles? Fahrenheit? What's wrong with the perfect sense making metric system? and I'm rambling again. Back to winter. The general idea is that snow is great for a week (scratch that, a day) and it's cool to be dressed up with no effort. Besides that it's just a thing some parts of the world must bear with and scape if possible whenever the opportunity arises.

Everyone should have a person. You know what I'm talking about, like Meredith Grey and Christina Yang. Yes, Grey's Anatomy I'm completely addicted. As should you be. Although lately it has left much to be desired, I mean come on Shonda! First you kill George, then Izzie leaves and now Derek and Meredith don't even get their stupid baby?! Sorry, I'm derailing from my point. As I was saying, everyone needs a person. Let's not lie and say that a person can be a boyfriend, a husband or whatnot. Because it can't; you know it, I know it. Maybe some just won't say it. The truth is there are parts of yourself that can only be shared with your person, the parts that nobody else will understand. The crazy parts that have no explanation but make all the sense in the world. Fighting just for the hell of it, because it's fun, and stimulating to the mind. "Happy Birthday" is really enough on a birthday. Those secret body image issues (maybe a mild eating disorder...), coupled with extreme self-confidence and narcism? I mean seriously, who can understand that? No unnecessary displays of affection. A "person" knows how much you care. Luckily I got one of those. And I'm really just posting this because she's quite stupid and wanted me to. Betcha didn't think I would didya? ;)

Stupidity

We've all been there. The words just tumble out of our mouths and even as we say them we wish we could just grab them out of the air and put them all back in, swallow them, unexist them. It's like a delayed reaction, a compulsion, speaking and thinking at the exact same time that what is being said is a mistake. It can happen asking a question, stating a "fact", whatever. The bottom line is it happens all the time. One special moment comes to mind as I write about this, this is how it went down: Madrid, restaurant, family friends, gathering. We're talking about ages 25-35, Alejandro's younger sister was visiting. Picture an unfortunate looking woman that seems to be in her forties (BUT APPARENTLY SHE IS NOT) and I asked so you're the older sister? (Mind you, I thought she was Daniel's sister who is even older than Alejandro) and she politely laughs, even though her eyes were saying "you little bitch..." and since I felt I needed to sink a little deeper, I chose this time to express my confusion and calmly let her know "oh of course, I just said that because I thought you were Daniel's sister who is older than Alejandro!" (This is the part where I start to make grabbing motions with my hands trying to catch the words and obliterate them....) In conclusion, I'm pretty sure I ended up calling all three of them old. But you know, I've come to think it's like a human instinct of humility, I can't show the world how perfect I am ALL the time, that wouldn't be noble! So my body being as smart as it is says these nonsensical things all by itself from time to time, to keep the balance. The problem with this mechanism is that it decides to kick into gear right when I'm trying to show everyone my true perfection, damning all modesty to hell. But that's just one side of it. It's alright, because well being stupid and knowing it is not as bad as just being stupid. The classic situation, it's a little sad actually. Like watching a plane about to crash and knowing there's nothing that can be done. Watching somebody dig a hole and climb in, keep on digging until it is so deep there is no possible way to get out, the worst of it being that they themselves do not seem to have the slightest idea that the rest of us can no longer see the top of their heads, because of all the dirt. Typically the masters of these oblivious excavations are part of the family, an annoying uncle, a hopeless brother.... And they like to go on their expeditions at the best of times of course. The more family gathered the better, the bigger the holiday.... They are usually the catalyst of the huge and drunken arguments that seem to be part of the holiday tradition. You know drinking eggnog, decorating the tree, screaming at each other for 9 hours, unwrapping presents. Hahaha, anyway christmas is almost here! Can't wait.

Thanks

She stared intently at the half eaten pie on her plate. As if it would tell her all the answers she was looking for, as if it wasn't just a combination of synthetic food baked in masses and bought in a supermarket where it was displayed right next to hundreds of identical perfect little pies. She thought of the people sitting around her. All loving and warm. But she couldn't talk to any of them. Not really. Not if what she had to say wasn't what they wanted to hear. And she knew that what was on her mind was nothing like the select few things allowed in the perfect and somewhat unreal space inhabited by all of them. She was silent. In the back of her mind she knew she was being unfair, after all there was no denying how much gratitude she felt despite it all.

My head sometimes rambles.

Desde siempre se ha considerado típico de la adolescencia cuestionarse todo. Se ha generalizado y simplemente es un hecho del que padece la mayor parte de la población joven y que se soluciona con el paso del tiempo y la entrada a la edad adulta. Yo, como adolescente (y supongo que por ello) no lo veo tan claro. Me resulta absurdo creer que si hace seis meses te considerabas de cierta manera y actualmente te das cuenta que toda noción que tenías era errónea, a su tiempo se te iluminará el camino y sabrás exactamente quien eres. Yo pienso que hay dos opciones. Una, puedes tener una crisis mental y decidir no salir de ella, dejarte llevar por la impotencia del momento y verdaderamente ser esa persona la cual no pensabas ser. Si se emprende por esta vía, pase todo el tiempo que pase no te vas a encontrar, te vas a quedar perdido dentro de un sujeto que no tiene porque ser tú, aunque ya seas un adulto. Sin embargo, hay otra opción. En vez de limitarte a dejarte llevar por algunos acontecimientos, puedes intentar afianzar una mayor seguridad en ti. Definiéndote como la persona que quieres ser, no la que ha sido condicionada por las circunstancias del momento. Esto requiere de un esfuerzo importante, ya que sinceramente no es fácil. Optando por este camino, yo pienso que si puedes averiguar que persona eres y además modificarte hasta ser quien te considerabas. No obstante se debe trabajar en ello, no es algo que se puede dar por sentado. El paso del tiempo no tiene ninguna incidencia si no se aprovecha.

From where it comes

Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever.